What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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