I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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