I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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