ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
