i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
