so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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