Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Couch. On fire.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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