Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
