theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
