I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
