I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
