i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
