Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
