Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
