remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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