So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
