quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
