I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im holly from the hills drunk
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
