I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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