chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
