it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
