this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
