Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
