I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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