You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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