U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
