Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
