and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
