yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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