Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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