maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
