Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
