pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
