I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
