Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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