i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
