I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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