I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
did you just send me my own nude
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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