Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
