if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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