I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
