I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
