dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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