Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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