What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
