hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
