you would pick up someone in the library
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
