Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
