they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
