I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
